I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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