the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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