We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize