just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
