He is an equal opportunity slut.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
