Can Purell be used as lube?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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