I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
