i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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