you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
