things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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