Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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