next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He better not be in your backpack
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize