Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
