my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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