were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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