No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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