closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
