btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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