connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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