He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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