Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
