the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.