She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.