Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.