dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.