Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ketchup is God's man juice
pop tarts are not kleenex
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents