Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line