She's JV to your varsity
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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