hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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