I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just gargled with NyQuil
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
