At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
