I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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