It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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