He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
