I accidentally burped into my bong.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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