I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I puked a lego.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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