Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
