Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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