Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
