i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
