what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
