Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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