I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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