Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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