life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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