just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So much rum. So many feels.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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