I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
