having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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