remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
