Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
