I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
