hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
