I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
