Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
