Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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