Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
