Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
