the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize