Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
