so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
