mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
