i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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