i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
