God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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