I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
